Leaving you off at the bus stop was hard enough. And I'm certain you noticed, I didn't cry. I'm certain you wondered why. Why you couldn't stop crying, and why I didn't even shed a tear. And I had wondered why as well. Though as I sit here, writing this letter to you, I simply can't hold the tears back, because as I came home after dropping you off, I came home to the absence of your grimy running shoes at the foot of the door, your frilly outfits hanging in the closet, and your makeup scattered all over the bathroom counter.
And I cried.
I cried for the absence of you. Thinking that you would walk through the door any minute, telling me about your day at work and all the wonderful things you learned. Cried for the time we'd spent and the time we won't spend now. Remembering me teaching you how to dance to salsa in the kitchen, you teaching me how to make a perfect pasta and everything else in between. And I know those last days we spent together you caught me staring at you. Staring at you because I wanted to remember every little freckle and hair on you.
The truth is, I never thought I would need to remember, because selfishly I thought you'd be here always. As a permanent memory of sorts.
Truth is I never wanted you to leave in the first place, I would have been happy with you by my side always. With the grimy shoes and the makeup scattered across the bathroom counter. So I'm unsure why I'm even writing this letter. Because your halfway across the world already. And I know there's no bringing you back or turning back time. But I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry, I'm sorry I cried after you left, and not when I should have, I'm sorry I thought you would be there always, and I'm sorry I didn't ask you to stay. And in case you didn't know already, I love you.