Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I feel you.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Say That You'll Love Me

Grr...so I haven't been posting much lately, simply for the fact that I have been focusing more on my novel. Just typing the word novel makes me shudder a bit, when you tell people you are working on a novel, they either a. think you're brilliant or b. think you are insane. Which am I? Brilliant or Insane? No...don't answer that, it's best I didn't know. Anyhow, I came here to specifically talk about LOVE. That four letter word you either...well, love or hate. Love because you are in love, or hate because you have been burned by it or haven't experienced it yet.

Lately I have been hearing a lot of talk (mainly from my girlfriends) about how much they want and yearn to be in a relationship, to be married, and to simply just be with a man. These are girls who have "dated around" and I mean nothing bad by saying that, though what I'm saying is, these girls end up rushing into something with the WRONG guy, end up getting hurt and blaming him! Is it his fault? I mean if you deliberately go after a guy who has no sense of commitment whatsoever (even though you want to be married) a guy who really doesn't want kids (even though you want quintuplets) and who just wants to mess around (even though you're waiting till marriage) how exactly do you expect it to work? Err...maybe I'm rambling, but I am just angry at girls in general. Making us women look so vulnerable and helpless, making us look like all we want, and care about is men, men, men and marriage, marriage, marriage. Ladies, if you're looking for a good guy, it's usually not the good looking hunk flirting with your co-workers, or the one that has had three different girlfriends in the past three months. The good ones are always hiding. Usually in the back of the library or at home studying for his Calculus quiz tomorrow. Okay, okay maybe not all of them are there...but I like to think that's where mine is!

You see, I am not anti-love. I have loved and lost just like any other, and been so heart broken to the point where I hated all men. I'm over that phase.I remember Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, where all my cousins I grew up with would bring their husbands, fiances and boyfriends over to meet the family, and I simply felt embarrassed. Embarrassed because I was still alone. Twenty years old and still not a man to bring to the table (literally) I felt frowned upon by my family...even though they said nothing. And soon after began looking for Mr. Right in all the wrong places. I dated some really weird guys....like one who liked feet a little too much, some very intelligent guys...one who was at UCLA...and some fairly normal guys....one who was ready to settle down and marry me. And from doing this, I realized as nice as most of these guys would be to bring home for Thanksgiving, none of them were it, for me at least. And have since, given up dating all together. When Mr. Right comes around, I will know it, and so will you. I think finding love is more waiting than anything. There should be very little seeking, things should just come together. Flow. You should wait for that guy that is going to treat you like everyday were the day he fell in love with you. The guy who you don't settle for, but are certain of, without a doubt.

Ladies, don't just sit around and wait for your life to come at you. Put yourself on a higher pedestal. Actually go out and live your life, travel, seek, explore and get in trouble sometimes. Set goals, other than "getting married" and "having children" (though nothing is wrong with that goal) I'm simply saying, we are young, beautiful and capable of much more than we hold ourselves to. And once we realize that, there he'll be.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A Poem For Your Wednesday

Not really sure where these words came from, was watching a guy sitting in library next to me and it just kind of rolled out, and stopped coming after awhile, that's why it's left unfinished. Anyway here's a poem for your Wednesday. Feedback welcome!

Andrew's sitting alone in the lunch room
been that ways since 4th grade
wearing a t-shirt that says "Live long and prosper" 
khaki pants that are just a few inches too short
and black Etnies that have been out of style since like...always

His head is held low, his self confidence even lower 
with earphones so immersed in his ear canals
he can barley hear that voice in his head telling him he's worthless
he eats his lunch quietly, hoping today will be the day, 
the day someone recognizes the greatness within him, 
the day someone tells him they give a fuck
The day that semi crashes into his bus on the way home
The day he gets the courage to pull the trigger
To take those pills
To tie that noose

Jenna's sitting at the table next to him

All alone just the same
been that way since her best friend Loni moved away in the 5th grade
she's wearing a t-shirt ten ages too old for her
and shoes that are hand me downs from her older sister
She holds her head up high
faking the self confidence
exposing her breasts and pouting her lips
hoping that today's the day someone will recognize her
tell her she's worth it
tell her she's beautiful

                                                                 find a way to disappear
that the condom won't rip
that the razor will slip 
and it will all end