Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Getting Back To Me


I've just spent hours working on a painting that I didn't even finish, because I hate it. I haven't been able to finish a blog, story or poem in months and I don't read as often as I used to. I feel as if I've lost myself somewhere along the way. I hate feeling like this. I hate going on and on like this, because I feel like I'm writing to the dead. I have no one to blame but myself. I've been caught up with life and doing things that are truly unimportant. Like watching T.V., using Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, etc...

A huge part of me has set my hopes on being somewhat artistic, with writing, painting and so on...hoping that through one of these three passions I could be "big." And now that all feels so far from me. I've been thinking so much about my "career" lately, and what I really want to do with my life, just thinking about it all is so exhausting. My original plan was to go for a degree in Egyptology/Archaeology, because Egyptian culture really fascinates me then I thought, I am pretty good at writing, why not go for a degree in Liberal Arts or something? Now I'm thinking that, Liberal Arts is really just going to lead me towards a teaching career, which I really don't care for, and Egyptology is a bit of a far-fetched childhood dream. I recently started thinking of other career choices, such as Zoologist (I love animals, once worked at a Zoo and loved it) but I read that it requires a lot of Math and I'm terrible at Math, so that's out. Then I thought about Cosmetology, that one died quickly, I'm not girly enough for that crap. I feel like even if I were to stick to Liberal Arts or Zoology I wouldn't have a high chance of getting hired. There are so many people who have Bachelor's Degrees that are unemployed or working the same job level entry as a High school student. With all these new school fees and overcrowding at school it is ten times harder to get into the classes I need and I'm not sure how long it will be until I start my "career."

 I wish I could just write a book and be a star! Pshh, like that will happen! Anyway I'm not sure what this  rant is about, I suppose it's about school and my pathetic life. I just know I need to get back to being me, and trying and dig deep down into my soul and really find what it is I want/need to do. I know right now I need to use social networking a bit less, and get back to interacting with REAL people! I hate that every one I know really communicates, or calls anymore, it's all about writing messages or texting and so on, I hate it! But I am not free of guilt myself. :/ I really haven't put myself out there just as well. I guess what I'm saying is, here's to starting so resolutions early, or just starting again. Here's to reading more, writing more, eating less, exercising more, calling more, texting less, painting more, Instagraming less
                                                To getting back to me.