Nico's Nonsense

Early this morning It had come to my mind that I had actually bought a ticket to Cancun. Err. Well while last year was all talk; with me ranting on and on about how I was going, packing up my stuff, with money in hand...I had somehow always ended up staying, with a new tattoo or a laptop to fill it's void. This year I've started my own quiet war. Spontaneously buying the ticket, telling absolutely no one until a few days before and still, I have not packed a single thing. This lump of fear rose in my throat while thinking of being out in the big bad world without familiar faces. Mostly without mom to save me. Oh gosh did I just admit that? A recap of my trip in 2009. When I had landed in Cancun the first thing I did was write one of my best friends, crying to her about how much I wanted to be home and how crazy I was thinking I could actually stay there for four weeks! After being in Cancun for a few days I had grown to love the p...

  Only five more torturous days until I leave for Mexico. The days seem to be getting longer and longer. Don't get me wrong; this torture isn't family or friend related. It' more of an inner battle. A battle I just haven't been able to win. Day after day I find myself without.... If I go on any further I feel I will have revealed too much now. I'm holding back. Just know that. Is this my quarter life crisis sneaking up on me again?What am I doing and where do I want to go with it? Fink's "This is the thing" is playing in the background and I feel like breaking down. Into a million little pieces.  Right now all I look forward to is waking up to the waves crashing beside me and a warm cup of Pocna's café con leche. Snorkeling beneath Tulum's beautiful waves and soaking up some cancerous Caribbean sun. I can't help but to recall 2009's trip. A four week trip that took me throughout Tulum, Cancun and Isla Mujeres. And in coming home I ...

                                                                                  As February begins to roll around I pull out a box from the linen closet and dig through last years journal. Last years happenings. One thing that stood out to me most was reading this "I'd rather live in a beautiful dream than a depressing reality." -Self Stop me before I go on. I sounded suicidal, I know. Though I wasn't, I was in a pretty harsh situation, wrong people, wrong way...wrong dream. When first making "Nico's Nonsense" my objective was to make it a Travel Blog...and it's been everything but! Last year around Janurary; like many others I had made resolutions. One which I had promised and swore I would leave the country again and failed to do so, while this year I have promised nothing...

Open the door for me kind of love  I want the stay up until four am on the phone listening to each other breathe kind of love The playing footsies under the table kind of love The "Did he touch my hand on purpose or on accident?" kind of love A can I hold your hand kind of love  The butterflies in my stomach kind of love A let's pray together kind of love The kind of love where you ask to kiss me A meet the parents kind of love And  a "I hope my mom loves him as much as I do" kind of love That kind Where we wait until marriage.  Despite our pasts The old and brittle rocking chair kind of love The Notebook kind of love  An innocent kind of love No storybook kind of love Because this love will never end 

I feel so caught up in a routine I'm uncertain I even want to be in. I'd like to pack up and take the soonest flight out to South America. Live like the hippies do; on peace, love, hopes and dreams. Each day to the next, not worrying about routine or bills to pay. What I want is not a way out, but a way in. A way into a life that is so much simpler than this. One people call "paradise" and relate to myths. I've seen it, been there and felt it. And can't help holding onto this nostalgic feeling every minute of the day I miss it. "You may say I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one." There is a whole world of "dreamers" out there we cease to come across, a world of dreamers who have put their dreams to play. As I sit here in nostalgias arm hold I wonder when I'll return, and how many people will scoff, for me doing so.